another breakdown... by the devil.

I cried voluminously. Again.

***

Honestly, the moment I rose from this whirlpool of depression and delusional thoughts of mine; the moment after I get motivated by Alpha Course... Satan just adores me so much he dragged me (YET AGAIN) to another mental/emotional breakdown. Bloody brilliant. Oh, it gets better - Someone just had to pushed me so I released my inner demon and slashed my sister by cursing at her with tears rolling down my cheeks, of course.

Between my siblings and I, I think I could be considered as the Biggest Failure among the three of us. Its completely obvious. I'm 16, and I didn't managed to go to States. My team lost at Zone levels, and I got a lousy "Districts Runner Up " title under my sleeve. I hated losing. Okay, Halle Berry did encouraged me by stating that "If you can't handle criticism, you don't deserve the praise; If you can't be a good loser, you can't be a good winner." Yes, Irespect that quote of yours, Halle. However, I am not that kind of person that could simply accept and embrace it. You cant judge me for being a pessimist from this - We have the right whether to accept it or reject a statement entirely.

tbh, I have no idea what happened to me. Did debate really meant a lot to me? Perhaps so. I mean, throughout the years, I kept attaching myself too much on Debate that I actually Loved Debate as I like a person. Weird , I know. But hey : Everyone has their peculiar times.

Just when I cried to my sister about it of quitting debate, telling this decision to my friends and teacher... They just said, "Prove your seniors wrong", "You guys can do this", and other Positive sayings. Still, they Have to say that so they can shut me up for good.

That's the problem, though. I still can't stop thinking about it. I love debate but I hated to feel such depressing things . losing. Biasness from adjudicators. Losing because of that... I hate it. I guess it's best to just prioritize on Academic Qualifications then, right?

I pray to God for helping me to decide what to do : Passion over Pride? Or vice versa?

***

I am so afraid to fail.
But I cannot share my sadness without crying out loud.
I cannot share my contemplations with my family because they would think that I suck as aspeaker because one of them is going to Nationals soon.
I cannot even share these negative thought to my Own team because most of them are already going to other competitions and are currently going to States.
I am alone yet I cannot run into my sanctuary and seek guidance from anyone.
There is nothing left for me to do...
Except to cry until my heart is tired from the hurt.
And it repeats.

***

Circle of Life.

back in the act of writing

I've been busy for quite some time.

However, no more shutting my eyes to this untouched blog of mine!

but yeah, I've been effing busy.

with debate. public speaking. novels. movies.

but no more!

no more casting my duties aside!

whoosh~

And Confirmation, of course.

As a Catholic, I am proud to finally say that I have finished my last step in completing my "Catholic Package". With Confirmation, I feel calm. 

Procrastination will without fail haunt me. My studies have been postponed until the eleventh hour. Again. *Sobs*

Life made me cry at certain times when I am home alone. It made me laugh with my friends while causing me to throw a few tantrums here and there. 

Nevertheless, Life will never get the better of me. Writing must go on!

This, I promise thee.

What else?

Oh. My Scholastic Essay... Haven't done it yet. 

Science Stream is pounding my head and I have no clue about Physics. I have so much to learn with so little time. I guess this is a punishment for me not keeping my other promises by Promising to study Hard after March's holiday.

Today, I am here, staring in front of My Asus laptop, thinking how did I be like this. *Sighs*

It is raining today. My Tab is lagging.

Basically, I will write. I will try to write more often. I might be wtching Avengers : Age of Ultron soon. Will make sure to publish a review. Do follow me on Twitter. @deboriii 

And I better be studying Biology now.

BEFORE I PLAY SIMS 4 

[offline]

Big Hero 6 or Mockingjay Part 1 ?

Yes. It has been a long time since I blogged. Literally.

What am I doing now ? Planning on how to make a perfect camp at my house. Not my intentions , of course. And what happened to those who suggested on doing this in the first place ? They decided Not, to join. But , hey , who could blame them ? Guess we won't have to eat marshmallows by the bonfire , then.

We are currently looking for a third party. Hopefully God is willing to answer my prayer and let anyone join. It's like , did they say it as a joke ? And I fell for it ? Perhaps. Still , there is no one to blame here. I , too , shouldn't let my excitement get the better of me. It was also a hurried idea. We didn't know what we were saying.

Let bygones be bygones ?

Agreed.

***

Right. As my lovely sister and I , the short one, are printing out the schedules while blabbering about this disaster , I am not here to use my skills in giving out harsh opinions toward my companions. Instead , I am going to talk about movies. Yes. Here it goes...

***

For your information , I also dream to be a film critic. It sounds fun. I know, I am pretty talented. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) Ignore my Pride. He's a bit giddy.

So , Mockingjay Part 1 & Big Hero 6...

This is proof that I really went to watch these movies in the cinemas. Alright , the comparisons/opinions on an adaptation motion picture and an animated movie.

***

Mockingjay was , terrible. Honest. I mean, it was 2 hours long and most of the time there was just... Talking. Part 1 was just mainly about defining the rebellion and bla , bla , bla...

I hope that Part 2 will Not be a rush. I mean , Part 1 was a slap on the face. 

It basically focused on how Katniss plated a vital role on becoming 13's mockingjay. And , more , conversations.

There is nothing else I could say about this movie. It was plain enough to miss this sequel and wait patiently for the last movie of The Hunger Games. Hey , you could save your money.

***

Has anyone seen The Artist ? You know , the black-and-white and silent film ? The Oscar Winning Film ? 

I couldn't remember which part did I cried. No , it wasn't a sad movie nor did I cried after laughing so hard when I watched it. I cried because it was Beautiful. 

There are 3 types of splendid movies : The laugh-out-loud ones , the heartwarming ones with a climax that will make you shed into tears, and the rarest of them all, a very , astonishing motion picture that contained deep emotion in it.

Big Hero 6 was like that. Yeah , it was hilarious , yet also... Disney made me remember how wonderful it was to be a child. I KNOW , I'm only a teenager but That movie made me feel , like a younger version of myself. 

Do you get it ? Big Hero 6 , with its beautifully cinematography , well-written story, ardouring characters (Baymax!) - Disney managed to capture everyone's hearts and snapped us a while from reality and reminded us the feeling about Pure happiness. 

It reminded us that we could still love the way Hiro and Baymax loved each other as spectators would love a movie so.

***

I recommend you , readers , to watch Big Hero 6. It would be a blast. 

***

As Walt Disney quoted, 

"If the story is good , the picture might be good. If the story is not good ; Good music and visual effects would not save the picture."

I. need. food. :(

I open today's blog with a Nugget Meme. Yes, I love nuggets. Chicken Nuggets, to be precise. They're crunchy, and they are hot. Nuggets make me happy. FOOD makes me happy.

I mainly for two reasons : When I am hungry, and when I am bored. Problem is : I get bored all the time.

Sometimes, I tend to spend my money on excessive food intake. Weird thing is... I'm still skinny as heck. Yes, you might think that I am this thin, unhealthy, soul but I am not. Literally, my BMI states that I am balanced. Which means that this gal is, just right.

Nuggets are very delicious. They. Are. A. Fugging. Wonder. To. Behold. Cheers for the Nugget Creator! They are such nice people.

Right, about the money thing. When I decided to stay back at school, I often avoid from going to the canteen. Why? Well, FOOD will drive me to buy LOADS of FOOD and BOOM. CLAP. Where did all my money go? Yeah, it all went to the school's canteen.

But I love FOOD. Who doesn't?

***

I have no idea what to do in my life anymore. PT3 has ended and I am stuck with sleeping and staring at my phone for endless of hours. I hate that.

However, dear readers, I shall stop this nasty habit by starting on reading my novels and try to build... abs. AHHAAHAHAHHAHA, I know, right? Bullshiz.

It's this wager my friends made and I am NOT going to lose on this bet. Hahahahaha.

Yeah, my writing skills suck. Thesaurus- I shall spend my little infinity with you, then.

Keep Calm and Love Nuggets.

one exam ended, another one starts...

Hello. It has been a long time since I haven't been blogging. Because of PT3 . It's funny, though: Today you're feeling on top of the world and exhaled an air of relief and happiness that you are FINALLY liberal from one of the biggest exams in your life. Next you're back on sleeping late due to the fact that you DID NOT study earlier when another exam is up. 

Well, I am glad to say : I won't practise this habit anymore. Bullshid, right? 

Still, since I learnt my lesson (Clearly), I think I should study... I mean, NOT studying like crazy because THAT would be bonkers. It's just that I think I am just going to NOT procrastinate HARDCORE. 

Okay. This, I promise everyone. By the way, I am currently reading If I Stay by Goyle Forman. You know, the Chloë Grace Moretz motion picture. 

These pictures represent my tables and bed during PT3.
To put it all in a nutshell, PT3 was actually better than PMR. Because, well, I don't need to focus on Geography and History. Yeah, I am a lazy person.
To top it off, it's only 1 Paper for each subject.
If God is willing, I would like to have good results. To make my family proud. Teehee.

Well, I am going to watch The Big Bang Theory now. "He" is helping me to download movies. Yay! How can I live without him? :) Just kidding, I can, obviously. I said Bye to him and HE WAVED BACK.

Yups, This shall be all. Hopefully (!) I will score my exams with satisfaction and joy.

Live long and Prosper.

MISSION TIME !

"Nothing is easy in life. Nor will it ever be. We just need to keep fighting for what we want and what we love."
-Hafuy

***

It has been 15 years and 3 days now. PT3 is left with 23 days to go. I intended on not studying for English at home. Just at school. So I may focus more on the other 4 subjects.

***

Okay.

Basically , I have to stop for a while on blogging. Not like ANYONE would care, right? I mean, I am just an invisible person that is too afraid to use her real name to write her heart out on this website, for crying out loud.

Still, I cannot fathom why did I start to do this in the first place. Hmmmmm.....

***

I think it's because of a) I saw my friend do it so I just gave it a swing , b) to save paper from writing tons and tons of my opinions and c) I love English and being a movie critic so I thought that this would save me from continuing on what I love.

Yeah, that's it.

***
Since I received two notebooks for my birthday , I guess this online blogging habit of mine shall put to an end.

BUT....

*awesome theme song appears on background*

This. Is. Not. The. End. Of . This. Unicorn.

Which this post is all about. My life is boring. Nothing awesome happened, yet. Waiting for something to fall from a sky so I can share it with you guys.

Mission at the moment : Only blog when something really interesting is going on. Not a spontaneous one which is what I am currently doing now.

Perhaps after PT3.

***

To Geben , Shane , and those who are reading this somewhere in my country , or in America, or Alaska, or any other places that I do not know of.... Thanks. For appreciating my existence.

Albeit my blogs aren't awe-inspiring as John Green's novels, I still am grateful for being able to enjoy English by participating in this captivating activity.

Thank you. I shall write our moments in my new journal.

Sometimes , you need to get your ass out of the couch and make the best of it. You may never know what you're going to get if you keep sitting in your comfort zone.

Cheers, then. For those crazy moments that we regret on taking. It's what makes us human : We're freaks. In a good way.

We're ourselves and we should be proud of it. Before I end my boring post , I tell you this (whoever might be reading this) :

You are what you are. And you are special. Do not let anyone tell you different.

Prince Harry , Jenna Marbles. and Me!

So , the Million Dollar question for today is : What does Prince Harry , Jenna Marbles, and me have in common ?

Prince Harry is, you know, a prince. And he comes from a royal bloodline. Jenna Marbles is a funny , truthful , Youtuber who has more subscribers than Ryan Higa. And there's me , a not-famous nerdfighter. Now, you're probably wondering : WHAT do they have in common ?

Well,  here's what : We all have the same birthdays ! Yes , I know, a lot to take in , right?

***

So , I hope that I may watch The Maze Runner soon.


***

This is my dog , Padfoot. 

Yes, we (my family and I) named it after Sirius Black from

 Harry Potter.

Padfoot is a good dog. He behaves by shutting up when we wash him weekly. So flies won't attack his body and he wouldn't smell awful, like today. Sorry , folks , I am a busy girl. But we shall bathe him this upcoming Saturday. 

Padfoot's lying on our floor with his flies. 

I love dogs. They're so... Adorable. And, of course, loyal. I also have Tongs. We finally realized that it was supposed to be Prongs (Another Harry Potter character) but it was too late. So , we had to call Tongs, Tongs. 

Dogs guard the house. To top it off , they lick you ! 

***

Okay. From birthday parties to dogs. Way to go...

Anyways , I would like to thank God and my parents for making me to become a part of the idiot who lives on Earth.
My Friends who wished me a Happy Birthday , but hey, everyone is supposed to do that so I don't have to be super delighted when I log in to my Facebook Account.

"Oh , look ! 20++ people wished me on my Wall." (Sarcastically)

My parents sang a birthday song like drunk people becaus ethey just woke up precisely at 12.00 a.m. today. So , thanks guys.

A certain somebody texted me and I literally CRIED. Tears of joy rolled down on my cheeks because tbe message was so sweet. He quoted John Green's infinities and I laughed and I cried. The reason why I was so emotional was due to the fact that he remembered about how much I love John Green and his novels and he, a computer geek but not a book-lover actually took the time to quote it.

It's amazing how someone actually remembers what you said not because how much you say it to them , but how they actually listen.

Don't you feel a bit happy when someone gives you your favourite coffee order, appreciating their knowledge concerning you ? (Kurt and Blaine ; Glee)

That's how I felt.

Therefore , thank you. To him. For listening.

To my family. For loving. For caring.
To God.
To Padfoot and Tongs. For eating the bones and the leftovers.

To Italian Food. For being a part of my birthday dinner.