my Unicorn

I believe to those who are keen on taking "Selfies" are not mentally ill (Media says yes, though). Truthfully , it symbolizes how they appreciate their existence in the world. Thus, reducing the number of suicide actions due to the fact that they are taking pictures of themselves , thinking that they are pretty, living souls.

***

It's that time of the year again.
Where a particular BIG examination is just around the corner, and you are staring right in front of your laptop fiddling with words that comes up on your mind. Hooray for being skilled in language. Not. Let's just say that enjoying writing (or in this case , typing) for hours to increase awareness throughout the world screaming how you are also in this world like everyone else is a blessing. And a curse.

Anyhow, I am still hiding my true identity by using a new account behind a name that is not mine. Actually , it was supposed to be my actual name but my parents decided to name me another saint's name. I cannot imagine what would I be or who will I become if my name was literally , Delilah. Would I still be a nerd who fights against World Suck? Would I still love listening to music from Anime Soundtracks? Would I be head over heels on a guy that I like now?

Who knows, right ? I mean, will a name that is labelled just for you for 14 years and 362 days will alter your entire life? Yes , my birthday is coming really soon and I expect it to be a typical day : Me reading Sarah Crossan , studying BM and Maths, perhaps. Log in to Facebook, Have a dinner with my family... My 15th year of being a girl has ended.

Nevertheless, I am grateful (?) to live with a family who loves me , friends who make me laugh, a fruit that I would probably spend my little infinities with , novels that makes me feel like I can travel through other dimensions by experiencing describable sensations from John green to Harper Lee to Brandon Sanderson to Annabelle Pitcher's masterpiece, music that causes me to forget what I wanted to get when I walk into my room, and God, for giving me a not-so-miserable life that I can still control.

(Inhales pure , delicious , oxygen )

Now, let me bring everyone back on today's motion...

***

Yes , I am a... (glances at surroundings) unicorn in disguise... SHHHHHHHHH!
I might  get caught because of my aberration. There's nothing much I would like to talk about. Unicorns are beautiful creatures. Yes, again, another peculiarity of mine. I'm a bit on the weird side. *Snorts* Can't really tell where I am now, I'm at my secret hideout-

Could this be ? Chunibyo ?

***

You might be wondering : Why ?

Urmmm , this , is an excellent question. However , even I cannot fathom how I got into this shithole. I think being in Debate and my roller coaster life really gave me pressure so I thought I needed a happy , enthusiastic image of something to ease my mind. So I decided to envisage on unicorns. Because they're so happy , so cheerful , like cotton candy sheep. So fluffy and pink...

I guess society thought I was the unicorn. But in reality , "Unicorn " is just my escape word when I am feeling moody or pissed off or when I am down in the dumps. Just saying that single word of an "unreal" creature makes me think about the rest of the unreal things in life. Like Happiness. A thing that can't be seen nor touch. You feel it in your bones. Unicorn just represents all of my happy thoughts. My delirious Headquarters of endless enthusiasm. My Wondla.

When I mentioned the word to my companions , I am not referring to the mythical creatures that is told in folk tales. I am talking about my Happy Place. Unicorn.

***

But it would be too late to explain this to everyone. So , I guess I have to stuck with this nickname for a while. Don't get me wrong, I love being called a unicorn. I got used to it after a while. Maybe Unicorn , my happy place, the location where I can be myself, is me. I am the Unicorn.

Time to find your own Unicorn.

Sincerely,

an odd geek who is addicted to unicorns.
a lazy extrovert.

HE SAID "BYE" TO ME !!! *Best (blank) of ma lifeee*

"Am I , a part of the cure ? Or am I part of the disease ? "

***

I was (finally!) doing Maths (Hallelujah!) in class while waiting for my mom to pick me up. It was listening to this lecture about the awareness of women's health issues , scrubbing our skins with gel that is made up of cotton , and were introduced to a better type of sanitary napkins. Interesting.

As I was saying, I was doing Linear Inequalities in class and some comrades of mine were playing chess. After a few minutes, they decided to leave. I was still fiddling with my own calculations when out of the blue, someone bid farewell , along with mentioning my name. I slowly looked at the person who said it and...

At first , I just raised up my hand, symbolizing I appreciated him noticing of my presence in the classroom. LIKE A BOSS. When he "evacuated" the location (my class) , he and his gang left and went wandering about for another half hour. It took a long time for me to absorb whatever happened. And then I smiled and laughed like a lunatic. HE SAID BYE TO ME ! WOO-HOO.

American Authors's song filled my mind time and time again as I recalled on today's brief moment. Whoa, WOW . He. Said. Bye. To. Me.

Oh. My. Unicorn.

OH MY UNICORN !!!

I didn't believe it. I mean, he's such a shy person, yet he actually was brave enough to do that. I mean, if you are one of his classmates, or Geben,  who might be reading this, they'll know that what he did was completely unexpected. Right , guys ? *claps*

***

I reek of sweat. My sweat glands must be working very well. So, I would say that today wasn't my best day , but preferably one of my best moments in life. I just felt so , happy . Don't get me wrong , when someone you are fond of did or say something to you , there's this feeling when your stomach is giggling, which make you giggle ,too.

Truth is , my best day hasn't happened yet.

Oh , yeah. A reminder : His smile makes my heart MELT. I don't care if no one agrees with me. That's fine with me , that means : less competition.

My birthday is coming up soon. PT3 is right around the corner. Mockingjay-Part 1 will be released in November. Sometimes , I cannot fathom why does oneis so desperate for fame. Who knows. Some things are meant to be that way , I assume. Opinions will just be cast aside. Unless you're in a debate. Then you need to convince the adjudicators that your opinions should be the one standing.

***

I guess I need to get ready for tuition, now. Fairfarren , invisible readers.

Something's stuck in my nose... Another entry

This is how my life usually begins, when I finally decided to stop procrastinating. I turned off my home's Wi-Fi, looked at my MESSY table, and lie on my bed and sleep...

I woke up. And it's like, 1900 hours. Dafuq just happened. So, I sighed. I greeted my parents who came home from work, watch Anime, looked, again, at my table, and... I end up on reading a novel.

I felt tired and exhausted so I prayed and slept. Hoping that tomorrow will be different. Wishing that one day I would wake up from my old habit of wasting my time to actually... Do. My. Maths. Homework.

Some days (Thank God) , I actually study. I told myself to "fast" the Internet, hide my tab in my sister's closet, push aside the stuff on my table and did my studying.

Confession time~ I HATE homework. But I LOVEEEE studying. Not sure why. But I made an assumption that the reason that I keep on delaying my homework (especially Maths) is due to the fact that I have to copy down the questions then I get to solve the problems. I mean, Reality Check : Most questions are sooooooooo Long. Studying is freer (?) . You just write what you comprehend and it assists you to become smarter.

Anyone with me on this ?

***

Do you know that moment when you finally got that excessive, dried mucus from your nostrils and you feel like you can BREATHE. Probably feeling that you are o  top of the world ? Same here.

Now, I can't have that luxurious feeling , yet. I might get this thing over with when I publish this entry and do a poem for a school magazine. I shall do 7 undone Math chapters tomorrow.

I don't get it. My Maths workbook keep on disappearing. I lost it for the second time already. Deva ju... My thesaurus was MIA as well. Twice. Dang, So much to do ! French the llma !

I guess this is somehow a punishment from Above that is is what I get for just throwing my things at random places. Better start soon , I assume. Never put off till tomorrow what can be done today.

***

Blogging seems fun. It is like a journal, but online. I wrote journals, once upon a time. Writing can be fun.

To put it all in a nutshell, I hope that someone out there will read my entries and maybe drop a comment so I know how can I help you in some way ? I can teach you how to make caramel at home (JUST BURN SUGAR AND IT WORKS) or how to debate 101 .

God bless to those who are having a tough time to inhale pure , delicious, oxygen and I bid you all farewell.

My Formula in Getting Better

" You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world. But you do have some say in who hurts you."

People should stop this romanticism of suicide. It's insane. Everyone is born into the world for a reason, you just have to find that out yourself.

Sure, the Earth would still rotate, the stars and the Moon would still be here but we do not want them without you.

                                                                     ***

It is a fact that nobody is perfect. Everyone will eventually fall from a year of success in their examinations, lose from a debate tournament, broken into pieces from a relationship, teased or criticized by your friends or teachers, and maybe fail in a Maths test. As my favorite author would put it, "Pain demands to felt".

That's the thing about pain. That's the thing of life. That's the thing of, well, everything. And when you think you are on the edge of ending it, of deciding on " Oh, yeah, here's a rope, so, yeah, okay, I'll just do it. No one loves me anyway."

Wrong. Just imagine what will your family do? Your classmates? God? Imagine : Your family would CRY and would still hope that you will come back to them and laugh WITH you. Your closest friends? Do you really want to add on to their burden list? How about your Creator? Don't let me touch about religion because you know what my answer would be.

What I'm trying to say is : Suicide is not the answer. When you do something, there must be a price to pay. And do you want OTHER PEOPLE to pay YOUR price ? Do you literally want to see your parents to suffer more because of you?

If you are reading this, beat it from your own laptop at home, a school's library desktop , or even from a far country from whoever is writing this - I'm here for you. I am writing for you. I am procrastinating (again!) to try my very best on helping a depressed soul from doing the wrong move.

I am not judging you. Trust me, I have my own issues, too. I'm short, and I wear spectacles for crying out loud! I'm a nerd who fight against World Suck and I'm bad in Bahasa Malaysia (no offense, teacher) . But I don't mind my weaknesses because I know that crying and moaning won't help me to decrease my problems. I know that the only way to recover from your fall is to GET UP.

I study Bahasa Malaysia for days straight so I can prove to everyone that I can actually do this, I CAN improve a C to a B. I should be grateful that I have at least two hands with 8 fingers and 2 thumbs than to have miss a few. I thanked God for even helping me to utilize a device that will overcome my problem for seeing. Albeit I get criticized a lot, but that is how we learn.

Look at Thomas Edison, he failed countless of times, but did he stop there? NO. He got his ass up and tried again and again. If he ended his life then and there, we would all be scared and hopeless in the dark.

I live for 15 years and now I have the formula on how to stop myself from having any negative thoughts in life. A formula to get better.

1, Pray.
2, No matter what people say, just smile and walk away .
3,  Keep moving forward.

1 + 2 + 3 = To live the next 6 days of happy contemplation.
The 7th day of the week should be reserved for ... HOMEWORK TIME !

This is my formula to see the sunny side of life. SO, please, readers and bloggers, don't be selfish to think that you aren't important. Because you are. If you think your life is crap , think about a turtle, being flipped over. Just stay true to who you are and you will go far. Live your life with light, so when you get lost in a whirlpool of depression, remember : Light will always get rid of the dark.

Now, I ask you this : What will you do next?